This guy seriously must have done his research and read my blog...he never tried to do any kind of awkward hugs. He stood up when I walked in, shook my hand, bought me coffee. We sat and talked, pretty much nonstop, for THREE HOURS. He had to go put more money in his parking meter at one point, because we were still talking.
We talked about super nerdy things, like the Silmarillion and the Book of Lost Tales. We talked about our jobs (past and present). We talked about traveling. He did the whole "Jack Kerouac" thing back when he was 19 (I think): bought a van, and drove all the way out to California, just him and his guitar. Lorelai Gilmore would've been very proud.
Eventually, we got around to what we had majored in during college. When he found out that I had been an art major, he asked if I had any photos of any of my work on my phone. All I could find were the pictures I had on Facebook of my exit show as a senior...so a marble sculpture, a necklace, and 3 brooches. And in case my nerdiness had not already been clearly stated, the 3 brooches each represented a book of The Lord of the Rings...but it didn't seem to bother him. In fact, he encouraged me to make time to work on my art, which I very rarely do, because I'm so busy all the time.
We talked about God, and each ended up sharing how the Lord had worked in our lives to accomplish various things, or to lead us to different places in life.
When it was time to leave, it was raining outside. I had parked a block away, and he had brought an umbrella--normally, I would've actually brought my rain jacket along, but it smelled like horses, so I left it in my car this time. As much as it makes me nervous to let any of these online dates know what my car looks like (call me paranoid, it's fine), he very sweetly walked me to my car, holding the umbrella for me. He even seemed to appreciate my nerdy bumper stickers (Star Wars and Lord of the Rings...surprise). He said we should do this again sometime. I made sure that I smiled, and I said that would be fun; I said I had a nice time. I think I said all the right things, and I tried really hard to make sure that my body language wasn't shutting him down. Because I really had enjoyed getting to know him a little, and a second date would be fine.
But...
He didn't ask for my number.
It's now been several days, and I haven't heard anything from him.
So now begins my brain’s nonstop review of every single minute detail. Where did I go wrong? No, I didn’t think he was necessarily “the one” or anything, but I think a second date would’ve been worthwhile.
From the beginning, what details did I miss at first?
—Maybe the fact that he couldn’t tell that I had showered and put on makeup? He asked if I came straight from work...but my hair was still wet from my shower, and I’m not great at eyeliner, so it doesn’t exactly look like it should just magically be there.
—Maybe I didn’t sound enthusiastic enough about doing something again? But I was definitely engaged in our conversation (ok, so I did have to deal with something with work, via text, but that was *mostly* while he was feeding his parking meter, and I apologized profusely for it)
—Maybe the fact that the more he put his hands past the middle of the table, the more I sat back in my chair and played with my empty coffee cup?
—Maybe it should’ve been a clue to me that he didn’t try to do anything but shake my hand after he walked me to my car? But I fully appreciated that...I found that to be very polite (chivalrous, even), and not at all pushy...which made me comfortable.
—Maybe I should’ve messaged him as soon as I got home and said I had a good time? But I told him that in person, when I agreed (with a smile, because I made a mental note to do it) that a second date would be nice. Plus, he had very clearly been leading up to that point; he didn’t waste time before asking me out, he proposed a day, time, AND place, and he was there before me. AND he thought ahead enough to bring an umbrella.
—Maybe he’s just not that into me.
Legend has it that Abraham Lincoln always said that honesty was the best policy. I have no idea if he really said that or not, but he was called Honest Abe, so it seems likely. Personally, I like honesty. I’m really not capable of hiding anything...I would be a terrible spy (but a great superhero...lol). So at what point do I need to actually add something in my dating profiles about how, even though it’s been 5 years since my last breakup (and almost 7 since the really bad one), deep down I’m still afraid of trusting someone new enough to maybe-one-day fall in love, so I might not seem super enthusiastic about dating in general, but that they shouldn’t take it personally? That if I spend more than an hour with them on a first date, I’m probably willing to go on a second one? Or that physical touch is the absolute lowest of my love languages, and that it will probably take me several dates before I’m comfortable enough to even think about holding hands? That I even find “Christian side hugs” to be pushing the envelope of what’s appropriate when you first meet someone?
None of those things seem likely to get me any dates at all, but if I keep going the way I have been, I don’t foresee myself getting any second dates. And sure, in my perfect rom-com world (you know, the fake one in my head), the “perfect guy” would see through all these issues anyway. If only that perfect rom-com world existed *outside* of my head...
Maybe I will add some of that stuff...may as well try something different, right? Maybe honesty really is the best policy?
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