Darcy Wrote Letters

Y'all.

I am SO TIRED of online dating guys who begin conversations with "hey" or "hey how are you?"

This is NOT an effective way of getting to know someone.  It might work for the very very first message, but a real question is so much more effective.  For example, I've had a couple of guys get creative and ask things like, "What's your favorite book?"  My personal favorite was some really long scenario that a different guy came up with about if we had bumped into each other in the grocery store...I don't remember everything he said, but the whole point there is that things like this mean they cared enough to put in a little effort.

Mr. Darcy wrote LETTERS.  Like the real, read them over and over again kind of letters.  The two guys I've actually dated?  They wrote letters too.  Letters are wonderful.  They take time, they take effort, they mean things.  Even if the letter itself is stupid and wouldn't make sense to other people, it means a lot when it's written for you.

Look, I'm not saying these people I "meet" online should write me letters.  I'm not stupid enough to tell any of them where I live.  But I'm getting to where I don't answer most of the guys who only say "Hey"...unless they're REALLY cute (ok, so sometimes I'm a sucker for a Wickham...but so was Elizabeth!); the ones I do answer who only say "Hey," I don't put much effort into either.  I strongly believe that the man should be the leader in the relationship, and to me, that starts from the very beginning.  I've been blessed to have a father who is a fantastic leader for our family, and I therefore struggle to respect men (read: potential suitors) who refuse to lead.  [This gets me onto a whole different soapbox about Millennials as a whole--suffice it to say, I hate being classified as a Millennial, because I have generally found them to be lazy and entitled...and those are definitely NOT qualities that I look for in a future husband]

The adverse of this scenario is a Collins, who gets waaaaayyyyy too clingy too quickly.  Just recently, I gave my number to a guy who asked for it via a dating app.  In his defense, I probably shouldn't have given it to him, since we had only messaged back and forth about 10 times total--as in, the whole entire conversation to that point would fit on 2 screenshots--not that I would know.  But I'm trying to be a little more gracious and open-minded (you know, like by writing this blog), so I gave him the number, with the understanding that we would be texting.  The boy CALLED me TWICE while I was at work.  Plus a couple of texts.  But they weren't really even conversational texts...just a lot of “hey,” and "how's your day going?" type stuff.  BLEH.  Move along, bro.

Please understand, had we already been dating, or even had a couple of real conversations on the dating app or via texting, that would've been more acceptable...still a little weird in this day and age, but more acceptable.  I might have even answered the phone calls.  But we've never even met, let alone had anything remotely like a conversation.  I honestly just don't have time in my life (nor do I want to make time) for someone that clingy and needy...because that's not the type of leader I'm looking for.

How do I know that wasn't his attempt and pursuing me?  You know, that magical thing that every Christian girl wants some Christian boy to do?  I don't.  It's just not anywhere close to how I've been pursued before.  It felt desperate. If he really had been trying to pursue me, I would assume he would’ve at least tried a text that would’ve elicited some sort of response from me. 

The last text I had from him (which he sent between the phone calls)? “I don’t doubt it.” He was commenting on something I had said in response to “how’s your day going”...but these sorts of comments do not, in fact, lead to more discussion. These kinds of comments are merely a way to seem polite, but to really say how disinterested you are...except, apparently, he was still interested enough in calling me again, while I was still at work. Go figure.