We decided to meet for coffee one afternoon.
Ag Guy was tall, blonde, and not unfortunate-looking. He got there before me, and waited outside for me to arrive. We did the awkward initial meeting thing that I'm having to become accustomed to--I go for a handshake, because that's what you do when you meet someone; the guy inevitably goes for a hug...but at least it wasn't a one-armed front-hug this time! Ag Guy held the door open for me, then bought us both coffees. The coffee shop we went to must be a pretty popular first "date" spot...the staff seemed pretty accustomed to the awkwardness.
We slowly navigated our way through some basic small talk--
How was your day?
Where do you work?
What does that job entail?
Do you enjoy your job?
I learned that he used to live in Savannah (or maybe it was Charleston?), and was the driver of one of the horse-drawn carriages for something like 10 years. I also learned that I knew exactly which classes he was teaching, and where he taught them, because I knew some of the students who had him as their teacher. I also learned that he wanted to get into being a barn manager...which is part of my current job.
And then we both got bored.
The longer we talked, the more dead ends our attempts at conversations kept hitting. I guess we had too much in common? I honestly didn't know that was possible, but we really just kept running out of things to talk about, because there was never a need to ask each other follow-up questions. We both knew a decent amount about horses, both enjoyed working outside, and neither of us really had any hobbies (because our jobs took all of our free time). Maybe this would have been a situation where a double date would've been helpful to carry the conversation a little bit...who knows?
Another possible solution to the problem of running out of things to talk about would be the obvious option of changing the setting...going to do some kind of activity rather than just meeting for coffee or dinner. Personally, I am only just now, after over 3 years of this thing we call online dating, feeling comfortable enough to agree to meeting for an activity (well-populated, of course). At first, I didn't want to feel like I was "trapped" in an activity...I wanted to know I could just get up and walk to the parking lot and leave if I ever felt like I needed to, because (especially in this day and age) you never know who you can trust. At this point, however, I think I would agree to meeting up to do something like bowling. I'm still not willing to do a movie on the first one, but I don't really think that's the best option for a first date anyway...especially when you've never met.
Ag Guy and I went our separate ways at the end of our coffee date, and sent a couple of [seemingly obligatory] messages back and forth. I then learned from one of his students who used to ride at my horse farm, that she often felt like he was kind of creepy. I didn't necessarily get that vibe from the first meeting, but I could see how he could give off that vibe. Regardless, we never went on a second date, and stopped the brief messages after maybe a day. Clearly, we both found each other too boring during our date to pursue things any farther.
I do think that one of the issues with this system of dating is that the first one often feels like a job interview, especially if there's no physical attraction. How do you get past that? I don't know yet...still working on it. I guess that's one of those "practice makes perfect" things. Granted, I've yet to make it to a second date [spoiler alert], so I'm not sure yet if that changes with the second date, or if that just feels like a second-round interview. I have found, though, that the more first "dates" I've been on, the less awkward I've felt...for the most part, at least.
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