This date was probably number 4 or 5? The ones between Ag Guy and this one were not memorable enough for a post--one happened over Barberitos, another happened over coffee (that guy was JUST. SO. BORING.)--but I couldn't tell you anything we discussed or anything remarkable that happened.
So the Former Youth Pastor and I had been chatting for a couple of days via one of the apps, when he asked if I would like to get dinner that weekend. As per usual, I had a horse show that weekend, but it was only a Saturday show. I told him I should be done with my horse show in time for dinner Saturday, or that we could just do something on Sunday after church. He chose Saturday, I guess since he lived about an hour away from me, which would've made doing something between morning church and evening church on a Sunday a bit difficult.
Saturday came. It was June. I had been at a horse show all day. I had a pretty solid sunburn on any of my skin that had been exposed while at the show, I was most likely a little dehydrated, and I was exhausted. But, this guy was driving an hour to take me out...I at least owed him the courtesy of showing up, right? (Don't worry, I even showered and put on a little tiny bit of half-hearted makeup.)
I texted him when I got home from the show, and asked if he would mind if we just got frozen yogurt instead of real food. I promised him that I am not "one of those girls" who doesn't like real food...because, if you know me at all, you know how much I really do love food. The thought of eating a real meal after being that hot all day was just *not* going to entice me to actually go on this date. He was already on his way, but he agreed to froyo.
Turns out it's probably a good thing we went with froyo, since he showed up in some slightly tattered jeans, a backward baseball cap, and some kind of rock band t-shirt...I think our original plan had been sushi, for which he would've been a little underdressed. Now, it's not that I have any objection to that look, but it has to have its place; a first date (especially had we gone to get real dinner) is not that place. He was tall, had a long-ish (but fairly neat) beard, and seemed more frail than he had looked in his profile pictures...and I was instantly un-attracted to him (yay, shallow me again!)
Once we got our froyo, we sat and talked for a little over 2 hours. We had some great discussions about working with youth groups, going to youth camps, etc. He also talked about how he *had been* the youth pastor at his church for a little while, but was done now; I think it was kind of an interim thing. But I couldn't seem to get over how frail he looked. Then he finally said, as part of some story he told, that he had been "sick" for a long time (like, at least a year), and was just now getting back to doing more normal things. He never told me exactly what he was sick with, but it seemed to have had a little bit of a lasting effect on him.
When we finally left, he said that he had a good time, and that maybe we could do this again.
I hesitated, and he heard all he needed to hear in that beat of silence.
[If you don't know me at all, it would be helpful for you to know that my face betrays my every. single. thought. Also, I cannot lie to save my life. The frustrating part is that I feel like I'm lying if I leave something out, or don't fully answer a question.]
So, needless to say, my reaction told him I really wasn't interested in anything after that evening. In my brain, I was tossing around the idea of maybe doing a second date--I mean, we had good conversations, the time flew by, he seemed really nice...but that brief hesitation told him to go home and not look back. I really may have enjoyed a second date, but I don't know that it would've gone any farther than that, since I found him so unattractive initially. He certainly gets points for reading my reaction that quickly; some men just aren't that attuned to other people to figure out subtle things like body language--more on that in a future post!
Sometimes, I guess you just have to go with your gut?
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